I didn't know when age crept up and slapped me in the face.
I didn't know that the hair on my head would wander to my chin.
Likewise, that my belly would look like a dresser with the top drawer pulled out...
and down.
Or, that breasts could slap one in the knees.
Nor, that my arms would trade my hands in for claws.
Plus, now my waist line resembles Santa's and my shoe size has mysteriously increased from
5 1/2 to 7www.
Also, that some old hag would come to inhabit my mirror.
Its astounding to look at the graduation picture and not be able to recognize the person therein.
I remember being that person but where has she gone?
Did she vanish in years of marriage, child rearing and facing lifes challenges, or merely fade away as time slipped by?
It does fly, that time thing, whether one is having fun or not.
The worst part, I guess is not knowing that the facilities of digestion & elimination would become my enemies.
At this age, one's stomach & rectum becomes the boss of the family. What doesn't upset one generally upsets the other.
An old story made the rounds years ago of an disagreement between the various parts of the body as to who was boss. The heart, stomach and kidneys made the case that they were the most important, but the rectum won hands(or piles) down by plugging everything up. Which went to prove that you have to be an asshole to be the boss.
Joking or not as the story may be, no one will dispute that being constipated is a pain in the hemmoriods.
In addition, having the runs is an unequaled nuisiance.
Its wonderful to look back to the unsaggy buns and bunion-free feet days of yore. Old folks are young again in their memories.
I used to ignore most of my Mothers complaints about how old she looked or inspecting her hands every day in dismay at the wrinkles & age spots, but now I have become my Mother.
I'm aghast.
Moreover, I never expected that my grandchildren would exhibit an attitude of forebearance around me, while respectful, nonetheless, resembles the one used around babies.
I'm not into diapers yet, but am thinking of buying stock in Depends.
Who let that goat in here?
